Lived Experience Forum

[shawn181]

Hi everyone,

To start with, I recently purchased a house as I had a stable income source to repay the mortgage. 2 days after we got the house I lost my job. It is been three weeks now after i loose my job but still couldn't find a job i am so anxious about loosing house and not finding an income to stand up on my feet again.  My wife is also afraid of the same thing as i can feel. She's trying he best to keep it simple but unfortunately i can sense it. That stresses me even more.   

So the situation is worse than i thought it would be. I loose control of thing and get angry very easily. I overthink. I am anxious this and that. Basically don't know what to do. 😕 I am going to start meditating whenever it is possible. that is the only thing that i can think of but it is not going to help me to over come this situation. Thank you for reading this.

Any advice would really appreciated. 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @shawn181,

Thank you for posting here on the Forums and sharing your situation with the community!

It sounds very challenging losing your job after you bought a house with your wife recently. I think anyone in that situation would be under a lot of pressure to find a new job and have housing security. Have you look into talking with the bank about hardship with repayments or spoken with a financial counsellor?

Focusing on what you can control vs what you can 't control may help in your situation. And allow you to focus on what you can do to help your situation.

Thanks again for sharing with the community!

Take care

RiverSeal 

[shawn181]

Hi @RiverSeal ,

Thank you for the reply. I haven't contacted the bank yet. All I am trying to do is look for a new job. Trying to earn money in any way is possible. I can't keep my mind on the track. I get anxious even when I try to do something little. This has never happened to me before. My heart rate is higher than usual. I get sad or angry a lot quicker than before. But what you said was right I should focus on what I can control. 😕

[Rylee13]

Hi there,

I have been under this kind of stress and have felt the same way. It feels much like balancing on the edge of a cliff with no idea what the weather will bring! It can be so overwhelming that the littlest moments in my day would set off the panic in me. The only way I could manage the stress and fear (I was homeless with small children at the time and trying to keep my job) was to focus on the small things I could control during the day and remind myself that I am doing the best I can with what I have at the time… and that is good enough. It helps to sit with someone you can trust, and just work out what you can solve today and what is out of your control. I used to write a list of all the worries and concerns I had- and then circle the ones I could solve each day and left the bigger issues to be dealt with when I could. Trying to hold everything in my brain at the one time was not helpful and made me live in flight/fight mode everyday. This is a very difficult time and you have every right to feel the way you do. Reaching out for help is hard… but you’re doing that and should feel proud for taking steps you can control. 

[SkySeeker22]

Hi @shawn181 

It sounds like you are going through a really hard time financially with just purchasing a house and shortly after loosing your jobs, and this is also impacting other parts of your life with the anger and anxiety you are feeling.

I've been in a similar situation, and think it may be worth contacting the bank to talk about hardship payments etc.  If you are not comfortable in speaking with someone on the phone because of your anxiety and anger, perhaps you could message/inbox them on internet banking to discuss options first so you have an idea of what is available to you before you are needing to call them.

In the past when I've experienced feeling like nothing is in my control, I've written a goal list/ list of things I want to achieve and then broken it down into smaller steps on to how this could be achieved.  For you in this example the goal might me "earn an income to pay the mortgage" and then break it down into smaller steps - "look for a new job" or "explore other income sources".  These steps could be broken down further again and again until you have a number of small goals and paths that you can take. I hope that made sense!

Its also understandable that you are feeling anxious and angry about the situation, and its great that you have thought about meditating to help you with this.  Is there anything else that you may have done in the past that has helped when you have experienced these emotions before?  Can you think of anything else (other than meditation) that may help with these emotions?

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

[PizzaMondo]

Sounds like you have had a big turnaround @Rylee13 and that you've found ways to manage your thoughts and feelings along the way - through writing and connecting with trusted people.

I agree with you that we should feel proud - it's so crucial to our wellbeing that we acknowledge any progress we make because somedays it can be hard to reflect and remember how far we have come. Reaching out for help indeed is difficult, but when you get past that line - it feels a little less lonely ❤️

[Asgard]

Hi @shawn181 

How are things today, agree with pretty much everything that everyone has said.  Do things that you can control -- so for me that would be contacting the bank.  They do have a heart and they will understand your situation, as trust me thousands of people have been in your situation.  They will plenty of options for you that should ease your stress.  Do contact them -- it will alieviate your stress.

Next thing under your control is your resume, update it, and start sending them out to employment agencies that in your line of work.

Keep in touch with work friends, people help people, ok so its embarrassing to loose your job, but work friends will let you know if similar jobs are coming up and may be able to put in a good word for you.

You got this, do things under your control, its hard I know, have been in your situation before, but stick with it.

All the very best

[Jasper_123]

Hi @shawn181 - That sure sounds like a stress inducing time. Anger can often stem from fear and it makes sense that you are feeling afraid given your current situation. Good on you for trying meditation, journalling can also be helpful to release some of those feelings. 

What type of work are you looking for? I find companies are always looking for support workers!