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BlueBay
Senior Contributor

10 yrs anniversary of mental illness

Tomorrow marks 10 years of being diagnosed with depression, anxiety, cptsd, BPD and childhood abuse. 

Reflecting back has brought many mixed thoughts and emotions. From fear, sadness, wanting to end my life, self harm and many other feelings and emotions. 

the fear of telling my husband of my abuse and fear he would leave me

the fear of telling my parents and not believed 

 

I often wonder why? Why did I remember after 30 years? I wonder how would I be if I didn't remember. How my life would have been. 

i think I had to become resilient to survive. I had many times thoughts of going away, escaping the psin.  End it all because it was all too much. 

I think often why me? Ten years, a decade has already gone and I sometimes wonder how quick that time has gone. 

it's triggering. Tomorrow is going to be a trigger. I know it will. I need to stsy busy. No why do I have to stay busy. Why can't i just sit with it. The feelings the thoughts whatever comes to mind. 
do I wish things were different? Yes damn yes i wish things were different. But I can't chsnge people's behaviour thoughts and words. It hurts deeply. The pain is still with me. 

10 years has passed and I can only hope and pray that the next 10 years are better. 

12 REPLIES 12

Re: 10 yrs anniversary of mental illness

Be careful those topic are not acceptable. Your post will be deleted

Re: 10 yrs anniversary of mental illness

thinking of you @BlueBay
hoping you can find some good moments today 💙💙

Re: 10 yrs anniversary of mental illness

Why @GeminiLion 

I've done nothing wrong @Former-Member 

if this is triggering delete 

looks like I can't right anything 

 

Re: 10 yrs anniversary of mental illness

Thanks @outlander xx

Re: 10 yrs anniversary of mental illness

No you havent done anything wrong @BlueBay 💚

Re: 10 yrs anniversary of mental illness

Sending you hugs @BlueBay. How has the morning been for you so far?

Anniversaries are often really hard for me. I can re-live things and find myself looking back a lot which feels OK sometimes but sometimes not. It can be quite mixed up. Staying busy is often the way I spend tricky days too.

Hope the day goes as well as it can for you ❤

Re: 10 yrs anniversary of mental illness

Hi @GeminiLion - we can hear your frustrations you have shared about moderation and are getting in touch. We really encourage you to connect with us via email so we can fully support you around this in a more appropriate space. 

 

@BlueBay this sounds like a hard time for you and I am glad you are getting support here, keep reaching out and if you need to get one on one support remember to call one of the helplines. 

Re: 10 yrs anniversary of mental illness

So many mixed emotions today @Lauz @CheerBear @outlander 

 

I keep thinking about that day. I don't know. Think I'll have to stay busy. 
you know I'm starting to hibernate from people.  I just want to stsy in my own cocoon. It's prob not good but for now I can't do anymore thsn stsy awsy from people. 
I feel betrayed from fsmily members. I feel betrayed by my mum. Snd friends. 
I need to isolate myself. Tiday is extremely hard. 

Re: 10 yrs anniversary of mental illness

Hello @BlueBay I'm thinking of you. Sometimes you need a cocoon. It's ok to do whatever you need to in getting through such a difficult day. I hope you can rest tonight. It can be exhausting facing traumatic anniversaries.

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