Lived Experience Forum

[Missmum87]

Yes 4 years ago he had an injury which was misdiagnosed. We found his "dislocation" was actually a broken shoulder which had healed in the broken position. My opinion is his depression and anxiety got worse week by week on all sorts of medication for pain managent, anti depressants and eventually being medicated for anti psychosis. After his shoulder was fixed 2.5yrs later he was then diagnosed with severe Carole tunnel in both hands! Another nearly 2 year wait. He is getting help but parts of me does think he tell the parts he needs to, to keep the docs happy.

And yes I do, i used to get to a point of cradling him on the floor while he got through shaking, sweats, heavy breathing and crying. Attacks don't happen this bad as much thankfully. I was wondering if there may be silent signs he may hide from me so I didn't worry. But also try to manage little episodes and self destruct tendencies while consciously reminding him as good/nice as I can to try and concentrate on breathing so kids don't become anxious.....that's my other concern.

[utopia]

@Missmum87. Your husband is aware of the children and will also be worrying about them. But don't speak to him about this when he is having an attack. It will make his anxiety worse and could increase the severity and time of the attack. Maybe sit down and talk with him on a good day and discuss how you both can minimise the impact on the children. This is something you two can decide together.
I believe it is quite common for spouses to hide some symptoms or the nbr of times they are anxious or having an attack. Quite often this is because they feel guilt and don't want their partners to worry all the time.
Mental Illness is not something anyone would want to live with. It is a constant struggle. Sometimes we need to take things minute by minute.
I am not a professional - but I think it would be worth getting your husband to a psychologist or counselor so that he can talk about what is happening with him and also learn coping techniques to get the anxiety and depression under control. I wonder if he may also have PTSD from this nightmare he has lived through.
I think it would be worth going to the gp together to discuss these issues.
Your husband is doing the best he can with a really hard situation.
And you are doing the best you can too. It's really important to get help for you both. Your gp would be a good start.

[Missmum87]

Thank you, we have been back and fourth many professionals, including himself being admitted multiple times to mental health. He has now finally found a psychologist who he is comfortable with but before that it seemed we just got palmed off. I have also wondered that and have mentioned PTSD to them, I got looked at like I was an alien and had no idea what I was talking about or I was exaggerating of the severity of sadness and moodswings he got through.

[utopia]

That is an awful thing to happen when you are simply trying to find answers and help for your husband @missmum@87.
I'll tag @NikNik in here. She's the boss / coordinator - sorry nik - can't remember your title. But she'll be on during the day & she'll be able to direct you to some carers who might have some answers for you.
Whatever you do - make sure you take time iut to look after you. You cannot look after others, if you are not looked after first.
I wish you all the very best

[Missmum87]

Thank you for the guidance 🙂

[Tarni]

Hi I feel I am on a similar roller coaster, how do you cope with this, I am struggling to find ways of coping especially when I have the bad headaches, stomach turning and tightening of the throats all at the same time.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good morning @Missmum87

I had a full-on day yesterday, and managed to fall asleep on my way to answering this post ... oops .... but I am here now .... 😊

Thanks for the call-out @utopia .... 💕

I have a hubby lost in the throes of an "alternative" form of an eating disorder, one where he is managing (so far - heading into our 8th year) to dodge the usual markers that would alert a GP ... but I reckon an eating disorders specialist would have him spotted on sight ....

It appears to be a different form of anxiety disorder that has channeled itself into a severe control of diet and exercise that we refer to as The Regimen .... but it's much bigger than that ... his controlling behaviour and the systems he uses to manage that mean he is over-bearing when his systems are crossed, and those systems are invasive and loopy, but not so much to the outside observer .... and one of his e.d. behaviours, currently hidden, is a certain give-away ....

Up-shot of all this is that we are battling, and prone to situational depression, but determined to walk him home, cos out guy is stuck in there somewhere, and to us he's worth fighting for.

As @utopia has described, I have suffered a couple of panic attacks which sent me to the doctor for cardiac assessment .... I'm okay, it was just the supymptoms of the panic attack which were unfamiliar to me at the time.  I learned quickly to recognise those symptoms, and as @utopia said, move into my strongest self-care capacity .... cos unfortunately if I go down, we all go down.

I had to come to terms with the fact that while my hubby was in the denial / hostile stage of something called the Stages of Change model .... all we can do is make ourselves as comfortable as possible and wait it out .... or leave.

Here is a link to the Stages of Change model ass applied to an eating disorder, but if you search the net you will find it applied to many, many other circumstances as well -

https://www.eatingdisorders.org.au/getting-help/for-family-friends-and-carers/stages-of-an-eating-di...

Here is a diagrammatic model -

Pit really helped to see that what we are experiencing is part of a cycle - although ours is a very long one.  It means there is an order to what is happening, and we will arrive at a surfacing in his cognition / understanding of what he is caught in, and the need to get on board with seeking help.

🌷💜

[Missmum87]

I tend to have my spur of the moment break downs, sometimes I go to the swimming hole and cry and think then calm down before putting a brave face on. I can't really turn to many of my so called mates time has shown how judgmental they are and that they have NO understanding of the struggles mental health can create, so time to myself in a peaceful and different surrounding helps me 🙂

[utopia]

@Missmum87. Well done on finding à quiet place where you can cry and reflect and regain some energy. This is really important for your good mental health.

[Shaz51]

Hello @utopia,

thank you fr the callout my friend xx

I had not realized that these are part of Depression until @suzanne told me I was having a carers burnout

Severe fatigue, tightening of the throats ,bad headaches, sore neck

Hello @Tarni, @Missmum87, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member