Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Hearing you @Former-Member and I feel for you so much. You have a lot on your plate. Sending lots of hugs ❤️❤️

[Appleblossom]

Just read a booklet by Peter Mac

Apparently they have wellness centres that are available to family of cancer sufferers and may help.

@Former-Member

[Sophia1]

Dearest @Former-Member

I feel the deep pain between your words in as much as anyone else can...

I want to write so much...am not at my best putting feelings...thoughts into words at the moment..

I do want to try my best though and sincerely hope that I do not upset or trigger you further..

It is so easy to write this to another yet nigh impossible to recall or feel during such trauma..

If you do not feel up to reading anything else...perhaps best to not read any further...

just rest and allow some peace to enter your soul...

I do understand the scenario with the examination...I stopped having them altogether as was so embarrassed at how I had to be consoled..I actually felt for the person trying to do the examination more than myself!

So I had not had one for about ten years...

I now have had no option but to have the examinations..The last operation I had 3 weeks ago was under 2 specialists ..one being a gynaecologist...hence several of above examinations...I had to have my current husband and specialist had a nurse present.....They do not know my story...

Yes there will be more examinations to come..I will get through them as I have no choice now..

As hard as that experience was for you..noone likes to break down and cry in front of others....I am quite sure that those staff really felt for you ...

going through that is a part of the negotiating change as you asked:

"Perhaps more importantly, how do we overcome the challenges of negotiating the changes which trauma causes us to make to both our character and our lives?"

You are already on your journey....crying..the body's way of releasing pent up emotion...pain...a natural human reaction

writing your thoughts on here as others have mentioned...a part of this journey...awaiting an appointment further action on your part..

Your feelings:

"I feel constantly agitated and on edge, but also sad and angry. I'm unable to relax or unwind.  My usual coping strategies don't seem to be helping this time.  I feel that I'm just waiting for the next trigger to hit me or the next lot of bad news to be delivered. It just feels inevitable that it will happen ... it always does. And then what? "

We are our own worst enemies ....always expecting far too much from ourselves....empathic and reaching out to others with support...leaving no energy to care for yourself...

Wondering how much longer you can continue to do this .....You cannot continue...

Your physical body is alerting you to take care of yourself first...

Personal boundaries

Self care

all sound so far out of reach and impossible....

Your body can only take so much stress..then something gives

Isolating is all part of the process of self denial....self judgement...

Now is time for you to use all of that empathy and care on yourself...You know this don't you..You can do this...

You have support here....helplines...Carers Australia ....Cancer Support..

I ring lifeline now....I used to think that service was for others in more need..

they actually invite me to keep on ringing back now..

I do hope that these words do not come across as too harsh....

I wish that I could hold you and let you cry your heart out....

I know that you are so brave and intelligent...

Empaths ....sensitive ones.....are not good at tending to their own needs..

If this makes you cry...make sure that you are in a safe place to do so....let those tears flow....hug something that is comforting...I know you have Holly...I mean something that you can squeeze tightly..

Check your breathing...slow it down..you know all of this...so simple yet is one thing that I find every time that I check...I am holding my breath...I believe that because I practised this ..when I am not breathing my mind now sends a message to check ...without my knowing..

Dear Sherry 💜💛💚💗💕🐾

Oh no red box again...you might not get this 

[Former-Member]

Thinking of you @Former-Member and hoping you’re ok. It’s hard enough having to deal with ptsd and then being a carer as well, is extremely difficult. 

Sounds boring but, I have found deep breathing, often during the day helpful. 

It took weeks for me to notice that doing it daily was actually a benefit in some way. 

I have done some research and proper daily deep breathing can actually help our brain, plus other benefits. 

Big hugs to you. 💜💖☕️🌷🌸

[Shaz51]

I was born in the year of the pig. @Former-Member -- I am a Dragon 

I am a dragon like you @greenpea , I wonder what the Chinese zodiac reading is for me

and Mr shaz is the year of the rat

hugs @Former-Member, we are here for you my awesome friend

[outlander]

@Former-Member

[greenpea]

@Shaz51 o0o0o0oo ....Dragons and Rats get along really well :D. It is a great year for the Dragon I know that but not so good for Rats .....(we wont tell mr shaz that :)). My ex is a Pig and Dragons and Pigs get along really well too.

Ahh zodiacs are a bit of fun if not ruled by them 🙂

[Shaz51]

ha ha My super @greenpea xxxxx

Hello @Former-Member, i hope you had a good sleep last night  xx, and how are you today

[Former-Member]

@Sam3 @BlueBay @Appleblossom @Sophia1 @Former-Member @Shaz51 @outlander @greenpea Thank you all so very much for your lovely supportive and considered responses yesterday and today. You are all wonderful people and I love you all for being who you are.

Hi also to:
@Maggie - glasses soon and the blind will see again! @Peri - I hope things are slowly improving for you. I know how hard it is for you right now.
@Starta - I was intending to visit your thread today, but havent felt up to it. I do apologise. I know tomorrow is a difficult day for you, but I left a message on your thread yesterday about that. Hopefully you saw it.

These past couple of days, I've myself spiralling. I'm resorting to self destructive thoughts and behaviours and forcing myself further into isolation. I feel it happening, I know its happening. I see myself doing this, but I don't seem able to stop it. I'm hurting emotionally and I'm lashing out in retaliation.

An example? I've maintained contact with a fellow volunteer I got to know well at the other Forum I used to be involved with. We were both volunteer peer supporters together. He's still there. After I left that role some 15 months ago, we continued to support each other via regular emails. He's the only real life person I talk to and he has been a really good solid and sensible support to me in that time. He suffers from PTSD too, and understands me well. We have a lot in common, and I've opened up to him a lot over that time.

Yesterday, I basically told him to leave me alone, saying I didn't want support and didn't want to talk about it. What is wrong with me? He's just what I do need right now! I basically told him that I was never really his friend, merely someone he felt an obligation or duty to keep a check on. Whether that's true or not, it's totally unfair and unreasonable of me to have said that. In reality, our relationship has been one of mutual respect and understanding, and a supportive presence, very much two way.

Right now, I have nothing to give, and I feel a burden. I hate owing anybody anything, whether that be monetary, emotional or deed. So I have broken away. Now I regret that. I feel more alone than ever before.

When I go low, I go into self destruct mode. Oh dear, and it's not even February yet! There appears little hope for me. I am just a glutton for self punishment.

At least I have you people here. Thank god for Sane. Dont allow me to shove you all away too ... please! I actually need you.

Sherry 💕🌼🌸