Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Thank you @Cheeky123 

I’ve woken up this morning with my dad very much on my mind. I have no idea what time he’s surgery is. I know nothing. 
Last year when I called the hospital to see how my dad was I was told no information was allowed to be given out. Only one person (sister who I don’t talk to) was the only person. When I said “I’m a daughter as well” the nurses response was that. 

I'm praying that today goes well and he gets through the surgery. 
it’s going to be a hard worrying day. 

@tyme good idea about TW. Thank you. 

[NatureLover]

@BlueBay  I'm so, so sorry to hear 😢

I'm wondering if you can seek legal advice about whether or not you can visit him in the hospital? For instance, a community (free) lawyer? And maybe advice about your rights to see him in general?

Sending care...

[SmilingGecko]

I think your Mother has been spinning fancy tales to your family. I know you love your Dad. Theres not much you can do. It sounds like she is an abuser and has put you in an disadvantageous position.  Your father may have not been able to defend you because of her lies and just wanting no family conflict himself. That is very common. Still it means you have been scapegoated and sidelined. I wish there was something I could say @BlueBay its not fair but it appears that the whole situation has been upsetting you all your life. I think your Dad is blaming you for the family conflict based on your Mothers lies and is prepared to defend her to his grave.

[Shaz51]

Ohh hugs my @BlueBay ❤️

Sorry that your mum is doing this to you and feeling sad for you dad too xx

How about your children and grandchildren going up to visit ?

Here for you ❤️ 💕 

[ArraDreaming]

@BlueBay sorry to hear about your dad and your experiences with your family

[BlueBay]

Hi @Shaz51 

I’ve missed you xx

no my children are not close to my parents at all because they can see how hurt I’ve been over the years and even now. 
@NatureLover @ArraDreaming @SmilingGecko @Cheeky123 thanks for your replies and support. 
I haven’t heard from my sister so not sure what’s going on. 

trying to stay busy but it’s hard as I’m worrying about my dad. 

[BlueBay]

Hey @SmilingGecko 

yes you are right. My mum has lied her whole life. She makes up stories to make herself look good and then tells dad what she wants him to hear. Not the full story or real story. 
Like when I told her about my childhood abuse. She made sure my dad wasn’t home and when I questioned where’s dad - her response was oh he doesn’t want to see you or hear what you have to say”!!!!    That’s what she told me. 
so to this day I don’t know if my dad knows the full story of my childhood abuse. All controlled by my mum. 

[Shaz51]

I have missed you too my sister ❤️ @BlueBay 

I can totally understand about your children xxx 

Soo sad 🥰 wish you can get some updates somehow 

[BlueBay]

hi @Shaz51 @ArraDreaming @SmilingGecko @NatureLover @Cheeky123 @tyme and others reading

Update:

Yesterday my dad was sent home; didn't have surgery - because he took a medication that was supposed to have stopped a few days earlier. So now he has to wait until they call him again.  I have a feeling it is lack of communication from my parents with the pharmacist doing his medication.

I decided this mornign to call as she told me last week to call this week.  She answered the phone in a very cold tone.  I mentioned that we would like to call in tomorrow morning to which she replied i need to ask.  she came back and said yes we are home.  

BUT - i don't believe or trust her.  I have a strong sense that she will call me tomorrow morning and say sorry dad is not well you can't come.

or - we end up going and either she starts a fight and questions me as to why i haven't come for a year or she will be quiet. 

I m not really sure what to expect from her.  anything can happen.  

i saw my psych this afternoon and we went over a few different scenarios and what i would say.  

At the end of the day i am going to see my dad as he is not well.  i am not going to see her even though she will be there.  i will try to be polite and not cause an argument but if she starts i will get up say goodbye to my dad and tell my mum that i am not putting up with her kind of behaviour towards me.  and i will walk out.  i will NOT let her control me or put me down or talk to me like i am a child.  NO MORE.  i have had enough of her.  

all i want to do is see my dad, give him a big hug and spend some time with him. Because i don't know how long he has.

[Shaz51]

Hugs @BlueBay 

Thanks for the update 

Good to see you will see your dad 🥰

You don't even need to talk to your mum at all xx