General chat

[Patches59]

@Dimity    This morning has not been good

ive had a reaction linked to having vaccination at start of week.  90mins spent seeing nurse, dr and getting script filled for meds.

another morning of arguments initiated by one person at croquet.  Same person that causes issues on regular basis.

email from business I’m trying to deal with.  To be able to do things I want to do I will have to sign stat dec that, due to wording on it, I legally and morally can’t and won’t do.

only positives this morning is sun is shining and it’s lovely outside.

very tempted to go back to bed …. Have essential couple items need to do though

[Dimity]

@Patches59 that's worrying about your vaccination reaction. I trust the meds are helping.

The croquet person probably causes trouble for everyone.  Hopefully they're outnumbered. Do they target you in particular? 

It's a pain re the stat dec. I wouldn't sign it either. If you can't find another business you might have to be quite assertive about your rights. I ended up admitting defeat with the bank but wasn't h apoy about it, even though I received a payment in acknowledgement of my inconvenience and distress.

I'm trying to decide whether to continue with my counsellor.  She made a major error with my referral that has mucked up my Medicare entitlements and potentially left me without care for most of the next 12 months. As with the bank, the loss of trust is very hurtful. It's just one thing after another at the moment. Changing my bank details is very tricky too, I've hit a number of problems. 

[Patches59]

Dr and nurse are not worried about the reaction @Dimity   Meds to be taken with food in the mornings, first one tomorrow.  I’m hoping reaction doesn’t happen again in 6mths after next vaccination.

Due to the nature of the matter they are the only business that deals with it in the town.  After reading the email a couple of times I have sent email seeking clarification on some specific wording within the email I received.  I’m not giving up seeking clarification until I feel I’ve exhausted all aspects.

sorry to hear about the bank.  Not an easy decision to have to make.  As I’m slowly learning, sometimes walking away is best option and can reduce stress.  Hoping you can sort through the hiccups you have struck with changing bank details.

does your counsellor work for a business?  If yes, maybe someone there might be able to help.  Anyway you can lodge a complaint, if you decide to.  You don’t need or deserve that type of treatment.

few appointments with my psychologist prior to the most recent have been via phone call, all feeling like general chat.  At end of each appointment she has said about going through item connected to Schema Therapy.  Next appointment nothing happens.  With some of my schemas I feel I’ve gone from one end of the scale to the other, eg from worrying about person not contacting me to totally not caring anymore.   

with croquet, person is in my team (ie I’m team captain) with comments said directly to me.  Bad day in general, possibly why she triggered me which led to my protective wall of anger starting to climb.  Others get annoyed or frustrated with her also, I’ve not been triggered before.

some feel good things - yesterday I managed to catch up with my outstanding laundry, ending up with 4 baskets of clean laundry to put away.  2 baskets done today plus 2 other items done.

Biggest jobs for tomorrow will be unpacking the boxes of wet cat food I ordered, getting them into shelving in the garage plus putting rest of laundry away.  Hoping Sunday to be for the cats

[Dimity]

Well done with the laundry @Patches59 . 

I like the idea of Sunday being for the cats. I often try to pause on Sundays to review and reflect.

I used to stock up specials for Tiger but he's now such a fussy eater I can't rely on him continuing to eat anything I buy in bulk.

As team leader it can't always be easy to have everyone on board all the time. Peer pressure from the others might help keep the difficult one in line.

I don't know about schemas but I think we adapt different roles at different times, depending on circumstances and what might be coming up for us. I learnt about the drama triangle a while back, whichever fits with a couple of my family. Sometimes I feel any one or all 3 of the roles, especially as one of the family is so unpredictable.

The counsellor is a solo practitioner and it seems was unfamiliar with her own software, and I was lax in not picking up on it. It could have landed me in a lot of hot water, and it's undermined my relationship with my gp. It really worried me overnight and today. So I had a bad day too, then wrestled with bank stuff.

[Patches59]

https://www.schematherapy.com/id30.htm 

this give lots of information about schemas @Dimity 

ive not heard of Drama Triangle, will aim at doing some research whilst taking a pain break during next couple days.

each team only consists of team captain and 2 others.  Each 4 weeks start time of the game changes as per predetermined roster. Unless are right beside this one it’s almost impossible to hear her.  Today involved repeatedly having to ask her to move; her being a broken record regarding start time next week.  Little things on their own that today all added up.  

Last week I told a member of our croquet committee due to a, b, c, x, y, z I will not play in same team as her again.  Committee staff member validated my feelings and comments.  Start of December is last game.  Already know who I want on my team next year.

sometimes what can appear small or minor to onlookers can be huge for person going through the situation…. applies to drs also.  My dr is good most times, other times not so good.  (Have to be careful or can say things that could identify the Dr). Dr is specialised in one area for which is on oncall list, this resulting to sitting in waiting room for 1hr (and plus) is nothing unusual.  Also won’t refer me to psychiatric that Dr doesn’t have knowledge of.

whinge over

my cats only eat specific dine or fancy feast for wet food.  One thing I’m grateful for.  Couple years ago was difficult to buy either, especially fancy feast.  Cattery doesn’t stock either, will be taking their donut beds plus wet food plus usual carriers and blankets for the week the cats are there.

[Dimity]

Most of the schemas in that link resonate with me @Patches59 .

Sounds wise to build a new croquet team. Does that mean you're stuck with the old one until the end of the year?

I remember you were working on a project with your curtains a while back. I should try to use my sewing machine again. I was disheartened by how hard it was to thread the needle. 

I'm fed up with being isolated. I've reached out about joining an exercise group but I'm expecting to be knocked back, they'll probably say my referral has expired. 

I've started trying to get back to decluttering. I need to make room to get things back from where I've been storing them. But my paperwork is more urgent at the moment. 

[Patches59]

@Dimity   Schema therapy involves identifying the top x number schemas, recognising way person responds to each schema, how to change the auto responses through actively assessing each situation and positive options to respond in the future.

one of my top schemas is “insufficient self control”.  I never realised how much I used to try to control situations prior to starting the therapy.  Differences now realising when I’m (quite often subconsciously) trying to control things and being able to quickly stop myself.  With this schema, therapy has been good reminder that only thing I have control over is me …. what I do, what I say and how I react.       Has been far from easy becoming comfortable with “I have to let everyone else make their own decisions and for them to live with the impact of their decisions.”

Im stuck as team captain of same 2 current players until this years croquet matches finish, last match being in first week of December.

there is an emergency list, people happy to fill in or people who couldn’t get into a team.  I’m already thinking of one person on the emergency list I’m going to ask to join my team next year.  She filled in once for me and played fairly well.

Putting extra blockout lining on my drapes …… I’m hoping to continue with that project at some stage.  It’s like so many other things atm, on hold due to physical pain.  Also need to find the rolls of Velcro, that are somewhere in the garage (that’s another story), to sew onto the drapes and secure other half to architrave.  Pain management Dr doesn’t want me climbing ladders until well after having RF ablation.  Also have to be careful with the weight, risk of causing pain flare up

Almost unable to knit or crochet anymore has been huge emotionally this year.  Have totally lost all interest in doing any craft items this year.  I reason I have lots of things that I’ve started and not finished

im still struggling with inner voice that tells me I’m safest staying at home all the time.  Lots of activities available here to join, maybe next year.  Atm my thoughts are on my health and continuing sorting/decluttering.

are there activities where you live or nearby you might be able to join?  Sometimes groups run out of, or place flyers at, community centres.  Tai chi, Pilates groups use sporting club rooms near where I used to live.

appears mixing up the wet cat food and putting it away yesterday was too much.  Right arm and hand not good today.

biggest declutter I’ve ever done was after my mum passed away.  Took me months, highly emotional sorting couple evenings after work plus on the weekends.  50years of cards, newspaper articles etc.  I remember setting myself targets eg sort through specific amount only each time.  Was not easy, especially when finding items relating to my birth including telegrams and baby clothing.

Sounds like you are trying to do balancing act.  Declutter on one side and essential paperwork on the other.  Each having their own importance.  what you’ve said is totally understandable the overwhelming 

are there ways that might help you get paperwork, decluttering plus self care?

[Dimity]

@Patches59 my counsellor has also talked about control, but recognising what I can't control. To me that has the flip side of accepting responsibility for what I can and should control.

It must be frustrating to have so many things on hold for pain but rather wonderful the end could be in sight. I can't do ladderwork either and am restricted as to heavy work and heavy lifting. And can't see well.

Late last year I was referred for social support, was assessed in January and nothing happened.  I enquired and was very upset today after they told me they would have followed up but had mistakenly noted I wasn't referred. But the exercise class I wanted to attend has been rescheduled and clashes with my highly problematic home help (that's another story). 

I had to turn down a friend I very rarely see today, she wanted to come for lunch at 30 mins notice when I was a wreck. 

I stay home all the time too, perhaps because I do get very anxious. There's not really anywhere to go and I don't have transport. 

I work on advocacy sometimes.  Today it seems council might follow something up, a rare success. I didn't achieve any decluttering or paperwork. 

[Patches59]

@Dimity   I found and like an item on Pinterest that is about control ie what I can and what I can’t.  Is something I’m finding is helping me.  Happy to share screenshot, if you like.

Due to things I was told decades ago at regular eye check I gained a fear of eventually loosing my eyesight.  My heart goes out to you and sending hugs.

Question I get asked at times due to aspects of my physical health ….. does your age qualify you to apply for Aged Care Home packages.  I’m not old enough which saw me not being able to get any home help after cataract surgery.  

I don’t cope with anyone giving me short notice to come to my place.  I’m trying to break various patterns that were my normal for 40+ years which, if successful, will reduce my anxiety in that area.  

due to severe spinal injury that happened in my first year of high school that could have left my a paraplegic there are lot of things that are not safe for me to do.  Physical exercises I’m looking at doing next year is walking, continuing the current short walk I currently do once a week and gradually increase frequency plus length by choosing different areas to walk.  Also want to get back to chair yoga, I found the movements plus the meditation aspects good.

Advocacy is an important role that lot of people don’t realise.  Woman I know, who also self isolates and has cats for company, volunteers for a wildlife rescue group.  Volunteers are rostered over 24/7 to take phone calls from people and then relay the information to relevant area.

feeling flat and didn’t want to get out of bed this morning.  Yesterday went to presentation that was to be 1hr Falls and Prevention which I was looking forward to.  2 speakers came, one spoke for approx 30mins on falls etc.  other spoke for approx 1hr about incontinence.

 Email yesterday from business I’ve been dealing with (a cemetery trust).  To be able to continue what I hoped to have done, due to info on stat dec I would need to sign, I’m having to consider whether to request copies of legal documents and lots of investigations.

ive been given same info twice now whereas elderly cousin in her late 80’s is disputing it, saying she has been told different info.  Couple other thing my cousin has recently said don’t align with my knowledge.  Based on things she has mentioned about her kids wanting to sell her home I can’t risk mentioning my concern to her daughter.

im heading out soon to take some items to op shop which will help make bit of space in the garage.  

somehow found website last night that goes through lots of items all under the heading “what are common things to talk about in therapy”.  atm feeling like I’ve hit brick wall with therapy and I’m not having at least equal level of what happens each session.  Eg last session I said at the start I had item I wanted to explore. Comment was acknowledged with therapist focusing on events etc since last face to face few mths earlier.  

have you had chance to start to try to sort out the mix up by your counsellor?

what’s happening with your home help?

is it a council issue or issue with the person?

[Dimity]

I try to walk daily @Patches59 . I've doubled my distance compared to prior to surgery. 

My Aged Care isn't very helpful with short-term help but I'm now on CHSP. 2 of the things I was referred for I couldn't find providers. 2 more things the provider is problematic. Home help , council kept saying they had trouble with rosters. I had trouble with 2 of the people,  a lady who always said I shouldn't be getting help, and a man who admitted he didn't know how to clean and accidentally dismantled my shower door. Now I'm starting again on a new day but they rang at the last minute a fortnight ago to change the time and it clashed with a vital solicitor's appointment and I haven't heard back since. 

Chair yoga sounds good. I'd have trouble with floorwork. 

That sounds very difficult with your cousin and the cemetery trust. 

I'm procrastinating about getting back to the counsellor.  I need the help but if she can't read a referral or configure her software or listen to the several times I raised the issue of my MHCP details it's pretty hopeless.

40 years? Sounds like your adult life. It's just over 40 years since my first big breakdown but I guess I'd always had problems from early and continuing trauma. I hope your therapy helps. A few years ago there was a chap on the forums who was a senior addressing long-standing issues. He was a great contributor.