30-05-2019 04:29 PM
I just heard that my uncle passed away. He was literally the only nice & normal one in the family & I didn't even know he was sick.
I geuss I won't be able to go to his funeral because of my agoraphobia - & cptsd , anxiety & depression -giving the horrible members of my family more ammunition to talk shit about me amounts themselves.
I also don't want to go even if I could for fear of running into abusive family members-
not that I would be able to if I wanted to - but what am I supposed to say as an excuse- they don't understand or have any care or compassion.
This is is bringing up a lot of traumatic memories of when my mum passed away & how I was being actively abused by narcissitic family members trying to destroy me.
My dad has not bothered to call me-& I don't know if I should contact him- it's just going to trigger me & lead me into a serious downward spiral.
I don't know what is the point of this life it just goes from bad to worse one thing after another- there is never any good or happiness events that take place
30-05-2019 04:44 PM
It can be so painful when someone that we care for passes away, and feelings can be particularly complicated when conenctions with family are strained. Please take good care of yourself there. I am also going to send you an email in a moment.
31-05-2019 07:23 PM
I hear you @Jojo7
You need to care for youself first of all - and now your uncle has died - depending on your beliefs - he knows how you care and going to his funeral for social reasons will be hard for you - and not even your father let you know
Families - I could tell a tale but not right now - it's your story
You have enough MI issues - it's up to you whether you go and you asked what sort of excuse you can give about not going - ah - that's a tough one
Tell them you're not well atm - and that's true - you are not - and they might ask what's wrong with you and I suggest you just tell him you are sending your respects and leave it at that
But from what you say about them I don't think they will ask - but have your sentence ready just in case
Btw - there are no special words to console people when they are bereaved - it would be great if there were - you have just had a significant loss and this will be difficult for you esp with a toxic family
Sending best thoughts
03-06-2019 05:46 PM
04-06-2019 03:59 PM
That's a very shoddy way for your family to treat and I have a good idea what it feels like. Yes - it would make you feel sick having people treat you that way - as if you're not important, insignifcant as you say. like you don't count. It's really cruel to be treated like that
I was without my family during the worst years of my life and since my parents died my siblings have carried on with their discrimination. I am sure we are better off without toxic relationships but it is very hard
You are certainly entitled to feel the way you do - you are worth more than that - you deserve better - that's for sure
It's not a good idea to have anything to do with your father - I agree - you do not need to be victimize and traumatized further and you don't need to be depressed again
All the best Jojo - I have not idea why families sometimes act the way they do -
05-06-2019 02:21 PM
@Jojo7 I have sometimes not been to a funeral, and other times been to too many funerals.
I hear you about your father and family.
The important thing is to find a way for you to process your grief of your uncle moving forward. It can be in framing a favourite photo for the wall, or lighting a candle or writing a poem or drawing a picture.
It is best if we can wor through it in community but if that is not happening, do something that completely suite your own personality and your feelings.
Sorry life gets this way. Hope some good moments come soon.
15-06-2019 05:56 PM
15-06-2019 05:57 PM
15-06-2019 09:08 PM
@Jojo7 I'm sorry to hear about your lovely uncle... I get along with mine also, but he lives overseas unfortunately. I do know exactly how you feel. I'd deliberately not attend family events, just like you. However, the question you should ask yourself is that would you feel any regrets if you didn't pay your last respect? or was it the case that you hardly saw him? And, your biological father, is he a narcisist too? Coould you perhaps reach out to him?
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