Lived Experience Forum

[Doglover]

Hi again @eth ,

I didnt know about the chronic disease plan that gives u 5 extra sessions - i wonder if fibromyalgia wld fall into that category. Oh i just realised, i think my previous doc had alrdy done one for physio. I havnt used it, i wonder if they cld retract it an do one for psych - worth finding out. Thanks Eth. Xx

[Doglover]

Thanks @BryanaCamp . I had an apptmt with my pdoc ystrday. The plan is that they r going to try and support me to get thru the next 3 weeks til private hospital cover kicks in then admit me privately for a medication wash out, they want to take me off everything and see where things r at. I understand why they want to do it bcoz of my concerns that im reacting to the excipients, and i am only getting worse, not better, but i am absolutely petrified Bryana. I just dont see how thr going to do it when my anxiety levels, and all the physical symptons, r so bad as it is. Im just so so scared of how bad its going to b. Rly i am.

I agree that my husband can not b objective, especially in this situation that he is struggling with himself so much. I do talk to the other lady i mentioned about some of these things - she is an elderly lady and bn a christian many years - so she is probably a better person as she is not so close to it. Besides, my husband is rly struggling with this and trying to make sense of it all himself so ur right, it doesnt make sense for him to b my spiritual advisor in this situation.

Im glad work is going well for u. 6 locations - that is full on! That wld rly add to the complexity of the job! Sounds like u r doing rly well though. I think that wld b a real challenge for neone! Its good that ur hours vary sone and u r able to get things done during the day at times. Im sorry uv bn feeling a bit of compassion fatigue. I think its only natural that u wld hav to pull back from the forums a bit now that u hav this job. U need to look after urself too

Thanks for ur encouragement re admission Bryana. It looks like its a certainty now. In some ways i just want to get it over and done with, in other ways im peteified as i said. I just cant see how thr going to b able to do this 'wash out' without me climbing the walls. Still, i guess iv got to stop trying to predict the future and just take 1 day at a time. I cant change the future by worrying about it can i?!.

Thanks again Bryana for all ur support and friendship. I rly appreciate it and it means a lot.

Hope work keeps going rly well for u. I think its amazing what u r doing there.

💜 Doglover

[eth]

Hang in there @Doglover  was your ap't today or is it tomorrow?  I understand you being scared about what could happen coming off all your meds, but you will be in a supportive environment while it happens, and the outcome could be a much better situation for you for the long term.  Hope your ap't went/goes well and you can talk about it with me if you want to.  Take care.  You have lots of support here to help get through the next couple of weeks.

[Doglover]

Hi @Zoe7 , thanks so much for ur support and being thr for me. Thanks for just reminding me that ur still there supporting me. It means a lot. Thank u.

I hope u r doing ok Zoe. Xxx

[Zoe7]

I haven't been doing well so haven't been around much @Doglover but still supporting you even when it is from afar 

[Doglover]

Hi @eth , re my apptment with pdoc, that was ystrday. My ot had alrdy briefed him on what took place in our apptmt. He was quite prepared to write up admissions paperwork there and then, but i said i wld rather try n hold out til private heslth insurance kicks in if possible. So they r supporting me to do that as far as is possible. 

I cant fathom how, given my current level of anxiety and distress, they r going to get me off these meds and frankly i am absolutely petrified. I keep thinking worst case scenarios of me climbing the walls and that sort of thing. I mean, theyv just had to do an increase in med to try n get me thru the next few weeks bcoz of how bad i am, so how on earth r they going to b able to get me off everything. I just dont know. And im so scared Eth. The thought of it petrifies me. 

Thanks for ur support Eth, i rly appreciate it. Thank u for beimg there for me  and being a part of supporting me over the coming weeks. Thank u xxx

[eth]

Hey @Doglover  I'm hearing you about your feelings around coming off your meds.  Usually they will wean you down gradually, not make you go cold turkey.  You can probably ask your psychiatrist about what the plan would be.  It's good that your OT and pdoc communicate with each other - you have a team that has your back, plus lots of support here.  You will get through it, I believe in you..

[Doglover]

Thanks for ur support re coming off meds @eth . I rly am petrified! I just dont see how thr going to b able to do it. Not when im in such a bad state anyway.

Thank u for believing in me, im struggling to do that at the moment. I so hope ur right in saying that i will get thru it. Everything seems hopeless at the moment i must admit. But thanks again for believing in me. Xxx

[Zoe7]

Coming off meds is never an easy thing @Doglover but knowing you will be in hospital to do that is reassuring. It will mean you have round the clock support. All my med changes have been done at home as I have a very great fear of hospital - I did have 24/7 support if needed from my GP and added support from my pdoc but it was still very hard - so I hear you on your fears Hon. It is not easy to go through but you can do it - you have shown us here how much strength you have and you have all our support 

[Doglover]

I hav a very great fear of hospitals too @Zoe7  so that makes 2 of us. I had a number of horrific experiences in hospital in my teens which traumatised me and i hav had fear of them and avoided them to this day. The fear is even greater with mental health hospitals bcoz of trauma associated with my mums multiple admissions over the years. So going into a mental health hospital is about the most petrifying thing for me. So i hav to somehow overcome that. And i have to somehow make it thru the next 2+ weeks if i want to go private which i dont know if im going to b able to do because things just seem to b getting worse each day.

Amazing u had 24/7 support from ur gp - ur medical support team all need medals. I hav never come across that level of care and support in the medical profession.

I dont feel strong at all Zoe, i feel as weak and fragile as one can b, but thank u for ur encouragement. I rly wish i cld gather up all of me forum friends and hav them rostered on round the clock to b with me and support me, and giv me hugs and let me cry on their shoulder. U understand so much better than most of the ppl i hav in my life supporting me.

Thank u Zoe.

Love and hugs to u.

Doglover xxx