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Something’s not right

New Contributor

I am worried

My wife is an alcoholic, has been for the last five years, she abused other substances before that. She is drunk now, on a bender that started yesterday. I was away the weekend before this, she was drunk when I got home.


She was in ICU a few years ago with massive liver issues due to suspected ****** overuse, she was lucky to survive.


She reckons she is going to get into hospital rehab on Wednesday, but been there done that before.


i have just had enough. Last night I thought that maybe if I **** her every time she gets drunk that would stop her drinking. I know that makes no sense, and it is just totally not what I think or do. I hate how this makes me think, how it has changed who I am.


i have attended counselling, but I resent it... why should I have to suffer through this? Not my fault. That doesn’t make sense either, but that’s how my brain works.


I have had fleeting thoughts that maybe it’s better to just end my life... there’s a big step between thinking about it notionally and doing it, but I hate that is what my mind is doing.


Today when I came home from work and she was off her face yet again, I told her I hoped she would ***. I don’t think I meant that, but I hate that is what my mind is thinking.


There is just no end in sight.


Re: I am worried

@Steve12345  Hi Steve12345 and welcome to the forums. I am sorry you are going through this with your wife. Living with an alcoholic changes who we are for the worst I believe (at least in my case as I grew up with an alcoholic father). I can hear your frustration would she go to counselling with you? My first stop would be to see you gp with your wife. She sounds like she needs to go into rehab to find out exactly why she is drinking (there is always a deep seated cause).


I don't drink anymore as I know due to a childhood of seeing my father drink I have the propensity to become just like him. I have promised my children that I will not drink so I don't however much I am tempted. I know you know what is right by your wife so what you have written is out of shear desperation. Believe me I have in the past enabled my father to drink for a quiet life and I am not proud but at the end of the day we are only human and living with a  heavy drinker is hell on earth.


So my advice is to go to your trusted gp with or without your wife (preferably with) and get a referral to a rehab centre and counseller. At the end of the day though it is up to her whether or not she driniks and up to you as to whether you can stand living with it. Please let us know how it all goes. greenpea

Re: I am worried

Thanks for the reply greanpea. I guess the biggest frustration is we have seemingly tried everything, rehab, hospital, counselling alone and together. Sometimes it has a positive effect for a while, but it always returns.

Re: I am worried


You are sounding battle weary my friend and little wonder,  dealing with alcohol and substance abuse is very difficult. 

You raised a number of points in your initial post and I am wondering if you find the answers to those it will help you make peace with yourself.


I needed to answer some questions myself -  the first was why did I stay with my husband when he became unwell, I was often asked why I did not leave him.   Once I worked out why and that I was willingly and voluntarily committed to our relationship I realised that if things were going to improve for me/us I needed to ensure that I started to do what was necessary to look after my own physical and mental health. I needed to assess the reality of our situation and work out how to do this in a healthy manner which meant learning how care for myself  as well as how to support Mr Darcy appropriately. 


I too found I resented couples counselling but I eventually saw the benefits of getting support for myself, initially availing myself of some free counselling sessions through Carers Australia.(who focussed on me as a carer and my needs only), susequently finding a counselor who has helped me so very much - I did see a pscyhologist  and a counselor in between who I did not connect with so well -  finding a therapist that is the right fit is a bit like finding a personal trainer that suits ones own personality.  Additionally, I got some psych education that enabled me to support Mr Darcy in a much better way.


You never know Steve, this next lot of rehab could be the one that helps your wife, but whatever the outcome, can I gently encourage you to get some support for yourself, someone who can  perhaps help you navigate through these emotions you are having, especially the ones that are difficult. 

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