Lived Experience Forum

[Captain24]

They were square @tyme and the ones I ordered are squares! I guess that sums

me up. I don’t do things the easy way!

She won’t be back for 5 weeks so when I get in if the ones I’ve got coming done I will frame it. That’s why I need more picture rails through my house so I can put them up in the bedrooms I don’t use.

I look at some of his YouTube videos. It is interesting. When I go into town tomorrow I’ll go into the book shop and see if they have to book. 

[tyme]

Good on you if you finished a square diamond one @Captain24 !

That doesn't mean you don't do things the easy way, it means you have the resilience and strength to press on in times when others would give up and fall! That's impressive!

You have the resilience many others could only dream about!

[Captain24]

Thanks @tyme 

I have more strength and resilience than I give my self credit for. I can see my growth but I have an extremely long way to go. I’m still here so that shows strength. I haven’t acted on other urges, that are really strong, for 2 days so that shows resilience.

I see myself as a seed in the dark soil. I’m slowly germinating in the dark. I’m just struggling through the dark soil until I’m able to start shooting. I still need a lot more fertiliser and water. My MH team is the fertiliser and you guys are the water. 

I will beat this and I will be a better person for it. One of the worst traits I have found is that I’m currently very self-centred, which is not a trait I like, but I think I need to be a little to get through to the other side. 

[tyme]

I was only thinking about that today @Captain24 - I hated myself and said I was so selfish and that's why I didn't want family or kids. I ended hating and detesting myself because of this. I couldn't 'love' myself or have compassion on myself. 

Now I know that having self-compassion doesn't mean I am selfish. Everything in moderation. Self-compassion is what keeps us going and helps us to care for others.

You are an inspiration. Your resilience is a great speaking.

[tyme]

I should also add, as much as I'd love to party all night here and have a midnight feast, I will be winding down now @Captain24 .  Now, should I call this selfish? No. It is about being well enough and staying well enough so that I can be there for others. Sometimes this 'selfishness' is needed.

It's been so good to speak to you tonight. I'll catch you later in the week...maybe mid-week or so. 

tyme

[Captain24]

I still really really hate and depose myself @tyme. That will take a really long time to move past. The reason I never had a family or kids is because I didn’t think I deserve them. Also I didn’t want to do to them what my

mum has done to me. 

Maybe me being self centred will gradually turn into self compassion. I need to learn to start to actually like who I am. In my ‘normal’ periods I can be a kind, considerate and caring person. I would like to eventually get back there. 

One major thing I am learning is to accept a little bit of validation. That is massive for me. I don’t usually accept it at all. So thank you for your kind words. It does help me to keep moving forward.

I appreciate your support and advice so so so much. 

My meds have kicked in so I’m going to head to bed. Hope you have a fantastic sleep and a great day tomorrow.

Talk soon 

[tyme]

Your post melted my heart @Captain24 . Thank you for the evening chats.

Will speak soon!

[Captain24]

One of those days when I wish I could just close my eyes and not wake up. There is no reason as to why I’m just in the dark place. I know I just have to suck it up and keep moving forward. 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Captain24,

I'm really sorry to read you are sounding so down. I have sent you an email to check you are okay.  Have you ever tried calling the SANE counselling service on 1800 187 263? It is a free service available 10am to 10pm AEST Monday to Friday.

While SANE is here to support you as much as we can unfortunately we are not a crisis centre.  If you ever do need immediate help please call:

- Lifeline on 13 11 14

- Beyondblue on 1300 224 636

- Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467

Please take care of yourself @Captain24 and when you can please respond to my email.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

[Bow]

Here if you wanna chat @Captain24  sorry it’s such a rough day 😞