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Casual Contributor

Mother with long-term bipolar and BPD - help

Hi everyone,


I just need to talk to someone who knows what this is like. My mother has long-time Bipolar Disorder and what I believe to be undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. Last year my mother moved interstate to be closer to me, marriage broke down and had to close up shop (literally, she owned a business and we had to close up to move her down). I flew up and did everything. She couldn't get out of bed. 


She was unable to find work since moving here, so she has moved in with myself and my partner. We were going to build a house, where she could live in a back "granny flat", but to be honest it just has not worked out. My partner struggled living with her, and she took is very personally and spent a lot of time in my ear dissing him.


My partner and I have now bought a house together (first house) and will be moving in soon. I have applied with her for her own place. I plan to pay the rent every week (since she can't afford it). Though she is picky... a 1 bedroom unit will not do. Since this has happened, she continually accuses me of abandoning her. That I won't come and see her. What will she do if she wakes up depressed and I am not there? (Not that I am usually there in the morning as I work part time).


I try to reassure her I will visit, but she just yells at me. 


Compounding this is that recently she has been med-changing, as her SSRIs were no longer working. The psychiatrist has put her on specific bipolar medication. Every second day she wakes up depressed. The worst part is the emotional abuse towards me. I constantly feel guilty. I have done everything I can to try and make her life comfortable and happy. 


My partner is very black and white. He believes I should just treat her like a child (which she very much is like - its like we are the parents!). I should just cut conversations short when she is depressed and lamenting about everything that has gone wrong in her life (and oh boy, is that everything - everyone she has met has done her wrong. Even me now by not building a house with her).


I want to support her. I want to be happy. But I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I never agreed to be her carer. But that is what she wants me to be. I have tried to understand, and read all the right books, and make excuses for the mental health, but I can't keep excusing how her emotionally abuse tirades make me feel. 

I just need some help. Some support. Someone to help me, help her. I need her to keep seeing a social worker. Not rely on only me for all her happiness. 

Can anyone help? Heart




Re: Mother with long-term bipolar and BPD - help

hi, I hear you and I understand your pain and frustration. I cannot help but I can say - you are amazing and take care of you as best you can. hugs

Re: Mother with long-term bipolar and BPD - help

Hi @annafreud,


Just wanted to say welcome to the forums. I am sorry to hear things are so tough at the moment with your mum. It sounds like you do all you can for her - this is a very beautiful thing! It sounds like it is having an impact on your wellbeing - do you speak to anyone about this for support for yourself? Such as a GP, counselor, pyschologist? 


There are some other threads around caring for mothers that I thought I'd share iwth you if you want to drop into those for a read or another post to connect in:

Caring for my mother

I love my mother, I hate my mother

Mother with BPD --> some useful resources in this thread

Carers hints and tips to success - just useful to gather support and info from others experience!


You can also contact Carers Australia to find out what supports you can connect to such as a support group etc 


Lastly, you are also welcome to come along and say hello to some of our other members in a more social zone such as the Hot Chocolate Anyone?


Hope this helps and wishing you all the best 

Re: Mother with long-term bipolar and BPD - help


My wife has suffered from Bi Polar for over 20 years, and it is very hard. The more you know about the order the better that you be able to cope with it. If you want to ask me some question I will try and answer them for you.




Re: Mother with long-term bipolar and BPD - help

Thank you. Even that helps.

Re: Mother with long-term bipolar and BPD - help

Thank you for suggesting these other forums, they will be incredibly helpful. I just clicked on I love my mother, I hate my mother, and already many stories are resonating with me.

Re: Mother with long-term bipolar and BPD - help

Hi Zorro,

Thank you for responding, and your offer of support. I certainly have more exploring and reading to do.

Re: Mother with long-term bipolar and BPD - help

Hello @annafreud

I hope it helps reading others stories and sharing your own.  Post on the Hot Choc thread anytime.  Its our drop in centre!

Good Luck


Re: Mother with long-term bipolar and BPD - help


come and meet some wonderful carers @annafreud, @Appleblossom, @Zorro, @dideoh, @Bella1978, @Susana, @Lesley

Re: Mother with long-term bipolar and BPD - help

I feel like I could have written this post. I feel for you and please know I understand, it is exhausting! I have no advice for you because I am trying to cope too and still learning at 41. Just know I get it 

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