Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[bipolarbunny]

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@Daisydreamer wrote:

Question 5 for @Shaz51 and the community: How do you balance your needs as a carer with the needs of the person/s you care for?

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I've learned to make strong boundaries and tell her No. If I have a day I have therapy or other important appointments they are not negotiable. I have started recently scheduling her needs to fit in with mine. It doesn't always work, but for my own sanity I need to put my MI needs ahead of her narcissistic supply and selfish need to have me always around. My family have brought me to the brink of suicide, and I've decided now that I need to live for me and not just to be her carer. And I run. A LOT! 

[Daisydreamer]

Question 6: Self care encompasses all of wellbeing. What areas of your wellbeing do you target with your self care practice?

[znp]

I agree, Shaz. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that these are our loved ones and we can still have fun - I love going on photo expeditions with my son (he loves nature photography and is good at it), playing board games, bowling in a leaugue with him, etc. Sometimes his health is a burden to us both, but he is always my son first.

[Mindy911]

✨Lockdown really is contributing a lot towards increased MH✨Thats why people like yourselves who take time out to help others is so valuable and very much appreciated✨I know I feel some relief being able to talk to others who understand✨Thank you✨

[znp]

I have learned (CBT) methods to be assertive. As I WFH as a writer my space is always close and open for interruption. I've learned to at least try to keep some time for my work consistent and balance with care needs when they change.

[znp]

The best thing to come from my son's MI was that I gave up alcohol. I saw only two ways forward and chose clarity - seven years later it is still the best decision I ever made.

[Shaz51]

also have some threads to click onto and have a look at 

8 dimensions of wellness 

Carers Hints and tips to Success, 

Self care by growing a garden, 

Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope ) 

[Windflowers]

As I've got older and have more physical health issues, I do prioritise physical health. I find that by helping to manage pain makes a big difference to my mental health too.

[Daisydreamer]

Making sure that your needs are front of your mind and scheduling them as a first priority sounds like something you have worked really hard to do @bipolarbunny. It's such an important thing you are doing to recognise the importance of your needs and the role they need to play in keeping you safe and well. I'm hearing that making you a priority and having things in your life for you is something that has been a pivotal point in your recovery- that's a big thing to learn about yourself  

We are a bit concerned about you, so we are going to send an email to check in as well. Keep an eye out for that in your inbox

[Shaz51]

Thats why people like yourselves who take time out to help others is so valuable and very much appreciated✨I know I feel some relief being able to talk to others who understand✨Thank you✨

thank you @Mindy911 for you lovely comment 

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