Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

yes @Carmello , @au_gust , @Allanah 

we are here for you 24/7

so if anytime you need to chat or just a virtual cuppa , please join us

there are lots of carers here, remember youare not alone xxx

[nashy]

Couldn't have said it better myself @Shaz51  🙂

[nashy]

Thanks for your insight so far @Carmello @Shaz51 @au_gust @Allanah 

The reality is we are all human, we all have shortcomings, and it is not uncommon our guilt is related to our own expectation of self. Moving onto discussion point 3... Name one strategy that you can implement to offset the notion of guilt.

For me I like to acknowledge the feeling, accept it and sit with it. Then explore the context of it. Was the feeling warranted? Does the reality of the situation align with the heavy feeling I have been feeding?  Etc 🙂

[Jo]

If the loved one for whom you care is a son or daughter, as a parent we sometimes blame ourselves and suffer guilt, thinking we should have done certain things differently during their childhood. For example, going out to work and leaving them in the care of babysitters, ignoring early signs of mental instability, not giving them enough attention when going through bad stages ourselves such as post natal depression, marriage breakdown, drinking alcohol, family arguments etc. These are difficult issues to deal with upon reflection but it's very important to go easy on ourselves and accept that examples such as these are all part of 'life' and 'being human'.

[Allanah]

I usually like to go and talk to someone about how I'm feeling. It creates some distance from just feeling it all on your own. And helps to get another persons perspective 

[Shaz51]

hello @Determined , @CheerBear 

ammmm @nashy 

[Jo]

If the loved one for whom we care is a son or daughter, as a parent we sometimes blame ourselves and suffer guilt, thinking we should have done certain things differently during their childhood. For example, going out to work and leaving them in the care of babysitters, ignoring early signs of mental instability, not giving them enough attention when going through bad stages ourselves such as post natal depression, marriage breakdown, family arguments etc. These are difficult issues to deal with upon reflection but it's very important to go easy on ourselves and accept that examples such as these are all part of 'life' and 'being human'.

[Shaz51]

ohhhhhhhh helllloooo @Jo 

that is a good tip @Allanah  because I know in my own thinking , my mind will go over and over it for ages @nashy 

[au_gust]

Yes, acknowledgement.  It's important for me to recognise the feelings and make the link back.  Then what usually follows is an internal conversation between guilty me and rational me!  I try to consider what advice I would give to someone in the same situation, because that advice is rational, gentle and kind.

[nashy]

Thanks so much for sharing @Jo . Really a lot of truth in there, you are very self aware and self reflective.

"These are difficult issues to deal with upon reflection but it's very important to go easy on ourselves and accept that examples such as these are all part of 'life' and 'being human'."

Being human - 100% yes.