so sad

[Cuddlebear]

@blue_wren No need to be sorry at all. I like the same things you’ve mentioned about these forums. 

Menopause is rough. I was in peri menopause for about 7 years and I’m now post menopause going towards 2 years. You probably already know that it can really impact on depression and other forms of psychosocial disabilities. Plus there’s the other symptoms which are not fun at all. My GP said no you are not in peri menopause but I certainly was. Big experience of medical gaslighting. Post menopause is better but I still do have some symptoms. A friend of mine had hormone therapy to help. I hope you are not having severe symptoms. There’s info online too if you find that helpful. 

The community garden sounds really good. What types of things are growing there at the moment? 

[blue_wren]

Totally got the gaslighting experience at the GP also. It wasn't until 9months of not having a period at all that a GP took my blood test requests seriously, and then said "oh you're more near menopause than peri, how does that make you feel".... 

As for symptoms, it's so hard to know, considering i have lived with what GP's and psychologists tell me is anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, panic disorder and now apparently also possibly nuerodivergence (which does actually make so much sense looking back historically). So I just don't know what 'symptom' is arriving at any moment really. I'm trying to learn radical acceptance. But as I've said, it's just so so so tiring. I wish I could say "oh, i feel xyz, and that's the abc symptom". Wouldn't that be wonderful. 

Coincidentally over at the gardens I came across Eat Pray Love (it always seems to appear when I'm in these states) so I've brought it home for a re-read, and it has taken my focus to dreaming up a 6month itinerary of my own. Something I long to do, but just keep putting of for any number of reasons. I found my hope over in the gardens, and it's giving me something to hold on to if only at least for tonight.

Hopefully the wind-up toy of spiralling thoughts will have run out of energy by then, and I'll be able to think and dream a little clearer. 

Thanks for being here today x

[Cuddlebear]

@blue_wren  Hope, Pray, Love is an awesome book. I’ve read it too. I was gifted a copy years ago and still have it. Such a good read. 

It’s so hard to know which symptoms are from each diagnosis. They likely over lap a lot but it’s not easy to figure it out and sure would be good if it was easy. I find my own experience confusing can’t tell if it’s anxiety, chronic depression or complex PTSD. Likely all of them coming together at a bad time. Mind you all these have similar symptoms too and they are compounded. My brains been over thinking all day and I too am hoping it will get tired and just let me rest tonight. I’ve been learning about a symptom of major depression called anhedonia. It’s when you don’t experience joy in things you used to feel joy about. It’s something I’m really struggling with. Not sure if you are experiencing it. 

Community gardens are really just such a good idea for so many reasons. I’m really glad that you are feeling hope through participating in your local one. 

No worries I’m more than happy to sit and chat. 🙂 Always welcome.