Lived Experience Forum

[tyme]

Hey Forums Friends, 

In my recovery, I've often wondered how to better help myself with negative talk. You know? All those voices that tell you that everything will go wrong. All those voices that tell you that you are wrong? Those voices that are the loudest in the evenings?

Well one skill I've learnt and practised and found effective is:

REFRAMING

Reframing is about looking at an issue in a different and more constructive way.

First, we must consider our own perspective. What exactly IS our perspective?

Then, we consider an alternative, more constructive meaning/interpretation.

By doing this, it helps us connect the dots of our story and allows us to look at the issue from a new, more useful perspective.

Example 1: "I never do anything right!"

Reframe: "I feel I never do anything right, but this isn't necessarily true"

Example 2: "All the people hate me."

Reframe: "I think people hate me but it doesn't mean everyone."

Example 3: "My family are so irritating. I can't stand them."

Reframe: "My family is under a lot of stress right now. I know it must be hard for them."

Please add negative thoughts you've come across and the reframe that can be consider. OR, if you are stuck, let the community help you come up with something. Just let us know the thought. No need to name names. You can generalise your comment.

Tagging those who may be interested @Rockdog @Healandlove @Shiki @Shaz51 @EternalFlower @RoseGeranium @Glisten @Birdofparadise8 @Dimity @NatureLover @Clawde @Captain24 

Sorry, not sure who else to tag. Please tag anyone who may be interested.

[Healandlove]

@tyme thank you, this is very timely.

I hope you are well @tyme !

My thoughts today have been all about feeling undervalued by my extended family.

Thought: My sister wouldn't care whether I am alive or not. 

Reframe: Even if my sister was able to get over my death easily, my children would not. I have other people in my life that would miss me.

Thought: It would be better for my parents to not have to deal with me and my husband and they would feel less torn if they just went to my sister and her family.

Reframe: This is how I feel but there is no evidence to say my Dad wouldn't miss me if I wasn’t around. Even if my Mum prefers my sister I am still her daughter and I have been a good daughter.  My conscience is clear.

Thought: Christmas and New Years Eve are horrible, painful times.

Reframe: This is how it feels now but it can't feel like this forever. One day I will heal.

Thought: I am a bad daughter and sister.

Reframe: My extended family has their own mental health issues and I shouldn't feel responsible for their happiness.  My intentions were always to have a united, close family. There is nothing I could have done to prevent the erosion in relationships within this family as everyone is responsible for fostering theur relationships with others.

I am not sure if I did the reframing correctly but I think I am in the right track. 🙂

[tyme]

This is soooo powerful @Healandlove . Thank you, thank you and thank you for your thoughts and reframes.

Such a valuable skill to practice. The more you practice, the easier and more natural it becomes.

And what better way than to learn with others on the forums!

My thought today: In-laws are soo soo irritating.

Reframe: They are only here for a short time to let them enjoy themselves. They may be annoying, but nothing is done with malice. They have a good heart.

[Healandlove]

@tyme , I had a good cry as I was writing them. Not easy to do and does hurt but you are right that it will become easier with practice. That's a very good reframe you have done. Thank you so much for starting this thread 💖 

[Glisten]

@tyme  Is this also known as changing your narrative?

[Shaz51]

Wow and hugs @Healandlove ❤️

@tyme 

1) thought --- " I should of kept my mouth shut "

2) " I can't say anything right "

3) " sorry , I have done it again "

@Determined , @Krishna 

[tyme]

1) thought --- " I should of kept my mouth shut "

Reframe: "If I always keep my mouth shut, then no one will ever know my needs. Maybe I need to work on how I say it rather than what I say"

2) " I can't say anything right "

Reframe: "Yet how many times have my words meant life to someone who needed it just at the right time?"

3) " sorry , I have done it again "

Reframe: "If any anyone has never made a mistake, then they've never made anything. Yes, it may not be perfect this time, but it doesn't mean I won't get better"

@Shaz51 @Glisten @Healandlove  🙂

[tyme]

Hey @Glisten ,

Yes, it's on the same wavelength and Changing Your Narrative, however, reframing is done for quick, smaller things whereas I have found that changing narratives is a longer process for broader things like someone's entire outlook to their job.

Hence, reframing may be for the thought "I hate my job"

Whereas changing the narrative may be for "I hate my job because of my boss, the people, the working conditions, the pay. I just need to get out of this place. It's no good. There's nothing good about this place"

I'm thinking that multiple reframes eventually help change the entire narrative (script).

Thoughts?

[Healandlove]

@tyme , yes I agree. Smaller changes in how we perceive things will change or help have more positive thoughts around our narratives. I think the key is to keep realistic not blindingly positive. We know some situations can never be positive.

[Shaz51]

Thank you @tyme for the reply ❤️

Yes I like to tell the inlaw's and my family what is happening in our lives which ends up in the bad books with Mr shaz 

And being isolated from both sides of the families