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Re: The Fear of Dying Alone

Hey @TheRenegade345 

I'm so glad you're ok. Thanks so much for letting me know as things can be uncertain on the forums when this happens.

 

Your last question: 'What do I have to do to show to a woman that I am actually a decent and interesting human being?'

 

The answer to this isn't easy because it's probably not what you want to hear. You 'show' a woman what you're made of by believing those things about yourself. Lack of confidence and self loathing will be felt by [us] within minutes, even if you try to hide it.

 

I've come to understand through my own experiences, that relationships aren't cracked up to be the romanticised versions we see on TV or movies; they're bloody hard work. If you're not emotionally and mentally well, this will impede your ability to cope and manage problems that may exist once you find someone you like/love.

 

Making statements to yourself (and me) like 'I’m considered repulsive by all women' does nothing but perpetuate a cycle of self abuse and worries those who care about you. The anger you're holding onto will be directed at self and loved ones just like last night; it's just not healthy.

 

Wishing your life away and expressing pent up hatred really needs to be addressed with intensive therapy young one. (In my opinion) You're worth so much more than what you're currently feeling towards yourself and others.

 

I'm really glad you went to hospital because it's the most beneficial place for you when this happens. You're safe and that's what matters.

 

The people you saw on FB are living their own lives separate from you and your memories. I'm sorry it triggered you though, I do understand how things can escalate once you get side-tracked. Please just know there are people who care about you now...they're (we're) the ones to focus on.

 

Take care till next time;

Hope (hug) Heart 👵💌

Re: The Fear of Dying Alone

Hi @Hope4me 

 

I'm not sure that I agree that I do portray that all the time. I've receieved a lot of feedback that I am an interesting person. I've seen men who have worse anger issues that have have no trouble finding relationships. That is what I am referring to. There are some men I know that practically have no hobbies at all and just work all the time. Yet they are in relationships, that's what I don't get whatsoever.

 

I understand that. But I am getting to the point where I probably won't ever experience all that hard work because I continually put myself out there and try to be as confident as I can. But all that happens is that I get pushed around, shoved to the ground, and just flat out rejected because some people just get put off by the fact that "one of my favourite bands is Hüsker Dü" or "I study history". I say that confidently because I love both of those things. But I live in a generation that couldn't care less about something that happened 5 minutes ago let alone decades ago.

 

I'm sorry if I sound all over the joint but I also saw today of a man pushing around his girlfriend and trying to act all superior to her. These men should stop being rewarded with relationships because good guys like us keep getting marginalised because we may have interests that are left of centre. 

 

I am just freaking sick of seeing it. That's what I mean when I say "What do I have to do to show to a woman that I am actually a decent and interesting human being?" Because too many awful men are being rewarded just because they "appear" confident when in actuality they just have as much emotional problems as I do.

 

There is a song about this called "Macho Insecurity" by The Dead Kennedy's. It really does articulate how I feel with these bad excuses for men.

Re: The Fear of Dying Alone

Hey @Hope4me 

 

I hope I’m not making you feel anxious or anything. 

 

I’m sorry if I am. I’m just so confused right now 😞

Re: The Fear of Dying Alone

It's ok @TheRenegade345, don't worry.

I can't say too much tonight, just know I've read your posts and will get back to you tomorrow. Try and take things easy till then ✌

Hope Heart 👵

Re: The Fear of Dying Alone

Hi there @TheRenegade345  just touching in to see how you're travelling, where are you sitting with all of this now?

Are you able to e-mail our crew at team@saneforums.org? We just want to check we have your correct e-mail on hand in case you need to be linked into some extra support Heart

Re: The Fear of Dying Alone

Hi @nashy 

 

I think it's fair to say the last couple of days have been the worst days of my life. Having the police come over on Sunday night, and last night I actually had an argument with my mother where she told me some home truths that have been ringing in my hears for the last 24 hours. 

 

Today has been better. I went to uni today to get a group assignment done, which we did. Now I am just trying to stay on top for the other assignments that are due next week. 

 

I guess I really need to start working on my anger and my inability to see people in relationships. I have decided I am going to focus more on gratitude over what I have in my life now, rather than what I don't have. I am also going to practice mindful activities as well just to make sure that I can start to control my anger and use it more productively. There is nothing neccessarily wrong with anger, I am just not using the energy well enough.

 

I will send you a different email now. Sorry I forgot to do it the other day.

 

Thanks for checking in. I really really appreciate it  👊😊

Re: The Fear of Dying Alone

Heya @TheRenegade345  sounds like a tough few days, but also incredible some of these reflections. You are right, anger is not an inherently bad emotion. In fact it's always a secondary emotion, there's almost always a reason for it, an underlying cause. Sometimes it can help to find outlets for anger, have you considered any options? I know for me going for a run or heading to boxing is quite helpful, but some prefer yoga etc. Gratitude is powerful too, please know you are not alone re: relationships, it is a universal challenge that one Heart We thank you for sharing, this community will sit with you without judgement 🙂

 

Thanks for the e-mail too, it helps us when you're feeling unsafe to make sure you're linked to the right supports.

Re: The Fear of Dying Alone

Hey @nashy 

 

It has been but I need to start taking some ownership with this stuff now. I don’t want to feel sad like this anymore. I want to be happy and enjoy life. 

 

Its funny that you should mention that because I am planning to get back into boxing tomorrow night! It’s been a few years since I’ve done it but I’m keen to go back. 

 

Thanks for the support, particularly as my feelings have been all over the joint the past couple of days

Re: The Fear of Dying Alone

Hi @TheRenegade345 

 

OMG! It's so great to know you're feeling this way. Acceptance and moving forward as you obviously are, is a major step in recovery. Kudos and well done!!!

 

Yes, home truths tend to 'get in' don't they? I've had a few wake-up calls over the years. My little sis told me she felt intimidated by me about 20 years ago. I cried for 3 hours because I love her dearly and never wanted to hurt or scare her. That's when I began looking at myself and changing the way I communicated with people. It's been a work in progress, but the benefits are worthwhile I can assure you.

 

Unfortunately R, I'm spending a lot of time finally getting my business off the ground. I won't be logging in much, but will endeavour to respond when I can. I think you're in a positive mindset which helps me feel a little less worried than I might be.

 

You take care of yourself and keep pushing forward with uni. You can do eeeet!!! 😜

 

Till next time;

Hope Heart 👵

Re: The Fear of Dying Alone

Hey @Hope4me 

 

Thanks for the support, it means a lot 😊

 

I’ve been thinking a bit more about my situation. My attitude towards being a straight edge is not strictly speaking because it’s about not drinking alcohol or doing drugs but it’s about expressing my individuality. I am different not for the sake of being different but rather I know what I enjoy and what I find meaningful. Mainstream culture doesn’t have that. It’s quite boring and superficial and I don’t know why anyone would want to engage in it. 

 

Can i I ask what your business is? That’s pretty cool you’ve got something like that up and running. Must have taken a lot of effort to get it going 😊 

 

I’m currently trying to socialise more and push myself. I still have those doubts about my self worth and would I mean anything to a potential girlfriend but I live in hope and that’s all you can sometimes do. 

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