Lived Experience Forum

[Ant7]

@Maggie @Queenie @OhanaSystem
Thankful for your kind thoughts and loving words ❤️

[Snowie]

Hi all,

I know this is an old thread but I have an anniversary coming up in two days which was the catalyst for my mental health. 

How do people cope with their's?

I have had anniversaries of people passing away before but nothing to do with my mental health.

[Teej]

I have that kind of anniversary too @Snowie, the one where life changed dramatically. Those first years were the hardest. In a few months it will my 7 th anniversary of it. I think it’s good to plan some nice things for you but have no expectations. If you just need to grieve that day I think it’s ok too. I do remember the first couple and they were just days to get through. In all honesty I think the build up to them is the worst part. Once the day has gone you are just left with that feeling that you survived it and it doesn’t take up so much brain space anymore. 

I hope this helps. Good luck getting through and try to be really gentle on yourself. Time does help. Last years was the easiest one so far. 

[Snowie]

Thanks @Teej. This will be the first year of it, so it has been playing on my mind a lot and been having some nightmares come up again. All I want to do is get through it as easily as possible.

[Teej]

I’m wondering if @CheerBear has anything to add as I know she went through this more recently than me. Hoping that’s ok to tag you @CheerBear. 

I think that we all have a really hard time through these anniversaries @Snowie. I’m not writing that to minimise it but to let you know your not alone with it. Sending comforting hugs. 🤗💜

[CheerBear]

Hey @Snowie and thanks for the tag @Teej
(Teej was around during my first anniversary of the big bang and was so helpful through it ❤)

This is maybe not the best thread for me to replying on but I would really like to reply Snowie as I found it seriously tough and scary - but I did get through. I'll be around later tonight. Can I reply somewhere else? Maybe My Special Place or another thread if you'd prefer?

[Snowie]

Thanks @CheerBear. My Special Place is fine

[CheerBear]

Hey @Snowie

Firstly, big hugs. I found that anniversary so so hard. It hugely triggered my symptoms and I thought, at times, I was going mad because of it. I just wanted to mention that because it helped me to know others had felt like it too at those times. I wasn't going mad and it did settle down, but far out it felt like I was!

A big part of getting through it for me was working closely with my MH to make a plan for it I think. On our plan we listed everything I find comforting. We also wrote down things I find helpfully distracting and that I could do to distract myself if I wanted to. It also had clearly written, the chain I could go through to reach out and the contact numbers to use, including informal supports, my professional supports, helpline numbers and crisis services. I know all of these, but it really helped me to have a list and a documented plan so if/when I felt like I was being taken away by the feelings, I wouldn't have to remember what to do. Just knowing I had that plan, gave me a bit of confidence I think. 

I chose to have no kids with me for a couple of days and asked for someone to have them, letting that person, along with my other supports, know that it was likely to be a tricky time and why. It was a bit of a risk to be on my own, but I wanted to be able to do whatever I needed to get through that time and to recognise it as the significant day/s it was to me. I know others try to keep the day as normal as possible, or try to move on from it and forget about it (which is so totally understandable) but for me I didn't think that would help as I didn't think I'd be able to.

I connected on here a lot around that time, because it felt right and I knew I could speak about it in the way I wanted to, when I wanted to. I also knew I didn't have to talk if I didn't want to and that people would understand. I made an appointment for that day with the support worker I worked the best with and I cried and laughed with her. I also decided to actually mark the event by getting a tattoo to give the whole thing a new meaning in a way, and to acknowledge what I had been through and survived during the year. Without saying what it is, my ink is along the lines of this. 

(I think I am still learning this and may be for the rest of forever)

So the long story short - I planned, I gave people the heads up that it might be a hard time for me, I had heaps of support, and I let myself feel all the feels. It was ugly and messy and wonky, but I allowed that be OK with me. That's my memory of that time now (noting here that it was way easier to write this than actually do it!)

I don't know if any of that helps, but I really can relate to how hard this might be for you and I am sending you stacks of understanding ❤ and the belief that you can get through too. 

PS I decided to reply here after all as topic discussions can be helpful, plus it turns out that what I was avoiding (reading my posts in this thread) wasn't worth avoiding and it felt kind of good to think back and remember that I really did get through that time and how. Maybe next anniversary, it might be the same for you.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Snowie

Anniversaries happen every year and my bad anniversary is coming up and I have been having it for a long time and I have found time itself makes it easier but it is always hard when it it's

I have tried going away - I went to Canberra a couple of years ago and had a great few days and the day I was flying home was the anniversary and I had to ring Life Line twice to get myself out of the hotel room by 11.00 and then the rest of the day was wonderful - and I had a window seat on the west side of the plane flying home and saw a glorious sunset

Now why is it easier for me to write about the good part of the day than the devastation I woke up into - glorious icy morning - minus 2 degrees actually - and I could not get out of bed - just felt the terrible lump of rock inside my heart

I think that rock is always there but I am not into having it wreck my life anymore as it did in the beginning but I do understand - and my comments are that it will go on hurting - sorry about that - but it will get easier as time passes

But I can't tell you how long that is

All the best though

Dec

[Snowie]

Thank you @CheerBear for that reply. It made a lot of sense.

I spoke today to my psychologist and we have put a few things into place to try and make the day easier.

I know my anxiety will be high as it is now just thinking about it. I think the most important thing is that I stay as safe as possible and reach out for help perhaps earlier than I would on any other day.

I have spoken to H about it, he knows that I am anxious of what is coming. He has offered to stay home but I think I would be better to have that time to myself too.

So I guess I have planned a bit for it, hopefully enough.

I love the tattoo idea. I already have 3 and am planning a 4th one soon!

Thank you again for your response. It has helped to read how you coped with it and what helped you get through the day. 

I hope it helps other too if they come over here looking for some advice