It's time to start sharing

[Micki]

Hello all, sharing my story is such a challenge for me.  I have been reading many of your stories and compared to some of your stories, I am feeling blessed.  I came here thinking I had it rough. My story started in 2014.  My daughter who was 15 at the time developed anorexia, she attempted suicide twice in that time.  She got through the life threatening part of anorexia, got in with the wrong crowd and started using weed alcohol and ice.  While doing all this she got a job as a stripper.  She became psychotic and long story short, only this year, ended up in a psych ward for a month.  In the past 11 years, she has seen drs and psychologists.  It wasn't until she had an out of control psychotic episode (where the police were involved) that she finally was admitted to hospital with a follow up mental health case manager.  While in hospital, they stabilised her with medication.  She is living with me (single since 2011) post hospital.  She was quite robotic when 1st put on medication, but has now relaxed into it.  Recently she has reconnected with strip club buddies and has gone off me, big time.  Things are very volatile here at home.  We have always had a fairly stable and respectful relationship, but things have changed.  I don't feel confident sharing with friends for fear of judgement.  I have a sister, but she is over it and advised me to find a forum. So here I am. Thanks for taking the time to read my summarised story. 

[tyme]

Hey @Micki ,

I can hear how long you have stuck by her and support her through thick and thin. Would you say her mental health is 'stable' at the moment?

I know it may be hard as a parent, but I'm mindful that at one point or another, as adults, she may want to choose her own path - whether we agree or not.

Put it this way, I became quite wayward early on in life. I got into a lot of mess, left home, moved interstate, did what I wanted... any yeah. I made some stupid choices, but I was an adult and I bore the consequences. 

As much as you want to save your loved one from this road, I'm mindful that it may ultimately be the road they choose. You can only warn her and support her.

Do you have supports to help yourself work through this?

[AuntGlow]

Hello @Micki, 

Welcome to the forums. ☺️

I can't even begin to imagine how hard this has all been for you and your family... your daughter sounds like she has experienced some immensely painful emotions and challenges over the years and it must be so overwhelming to feel like you're unsure how to support her. Things being volatile would be dysregulating for you too... please know there is no judgement here, humans are complex creatures and we understand the nuance of how people deal with their emotions. Sometimes we lean towards things that aren't so healthy simply because they are familiar and 'safe' to the subconscious mind. I suspect your daughter is dealing with things she is not even fully aware of and it sounds like she is needing lots of love and care, but is extremely resistant to it. This is very, very common and so tough to navigate. I wish I had an answer that could shift all of this for you, because it's so hard seeing someone we love repeat patterns of behaviour that hurt themselves or others... I think asking her what she needs most right now could be helpful and really encouraging her sense of agency so that she feels empowered?

Most of all, I am wondering what supports you have? It sounds like friends and family are tough to talk to right now, so I am glad you reached out here. Do you think a support group or counsellor could also be helpful? 💛

[Micki]

Thanks @tyme  for sharing part of your story.  I do have friends, but I don't share much about my daughter with them as I don't want them to judge my daughter.  I have shared in the past and have found people to distant themselves from me and or my daughter.  (Obviously they weren't the friends I thought they were) 

I share only enough now for them to know she's not well.  No detail anymore.  I guess that's why I'm here.   

 I truly appreciate it's my daughters path and she has many lessons to learn.   It's so hard as when the wheels fall off it becomes my problem too and of course my fault as well.

[Micki]

@AuntGlow thanks for your reply.   I appreciate your kind words of wisdom.  Unfortunately I cannot connect with her tonight which is not the norm in our relationship. Even when she was psychotic I could talk to her on a certain level.  I'll try again tomorrow.  I am concerned that she may have taken something which has interfered with her meds.  That's my gut feeling.  

[tyme]

I totally hear you @Micki . It's hard for a parent to sit back and watch their child make mistakes. I guess you can only warn her and support her as much as possible, but then it's her choice to make.

Is she still linked in with any services?

Just so you know, this forum is anonymous, so please don't feel judged. We are here to support each other. 

I've made a world of mistakes, but if it weren't for those mistakes, I'd never be here on a platform like this.

I take my hat off to you. I know you are doing your very best!

[Micki]

Yes @tyme she has a mental health case manager.   (unfortunately she doesn't have a lot of faith in her) 

I too have made many mistakes.  Of course with mistakes comes wisdom (hopefully)

[AuntGlow]

That intuitive feeling must be so hard to sit with... I think trying again tomorrow is a good idea. @Micki 

You absolutely deserve people who will listen without judgement - it's so important that you aren't holding all of this alone. 

Something I am sensing about your daughter is that somewhere along the way she has internalised that she's not enough as she is, and it sounds like she's doing anything and everything she can to maintain a sense of control (even if it looks like being out of control). Is this something you have talked about with her before at all?

You sound like you're working so hard to provide stability and safety, please know that we can see that. 💛