Lived Experience Forum

[Emelia8]

@tonys 👍👍🌹

[KirSa_EnigmA]

@StuF wow thanks!  Not in the habit of grabbing ppl unless I ask nicely first. (dinner/movie/etc) ha! 

But I am glad to get this response from someone. 

My usual writing is objective and direct so it was a bit of a change to put things in first person for a change. 

😄 

[StuF]

Well @KirSa_EnigmA 

It connected with me 🙂

Thanks for sharing!

[supermodel]

She doesn’t see the wind like me as it takes its own path free from the pain of loss where she waits by the door until it gets dark they have forgotten about her the world only passes by on the clock she sees different faces but all of them lost day by day another memory gone

[tonys]

              I dreamed I invented  a pill that erased memory .. 

                                  WATTLE.

                       I never had a real mum

                             well . .  that's not entirely true

                       She'd come home late

                             cheap makeup tracked 

                       The bills all overdue.

                       Kinda had an ol' man 

                             if you count the times not pissed.

                       They're marked in scars

                                 upon my face

                       His shame from boot 'n fist.

                       They taught me love from fractured flesh

                            and wiped it on the wall

                       The police reports   they never lie

                             it happened in a fall..

                       I think I may have had a mum

                            though meat 'n milk gone sour.

                       In shady lane   she iced the pain

                            that's paid for by the hour.

                      I  think I had an old man

                         'til  the devil drink within

                      I died a thousand deaths that night

                          the object of his sin.

                      I tried to hold my mother's weight 

                            while  teetered on a chair.

                      Felt her fluids sting my skin

                             Her bulge eyed deathly stare.

                     A pauper's grave in pouring rain

                            a mother up an left.

                     And father's lies  upon the crime

                            and orphans eyes bereft.

                     I may have had an old man

                             but my mother taught me best.

                     To  sell my soul   in hell's dark hole

                             Say no  to no request.

                    So here I am   a broken man

                           sleeps rough in bourbon  bottle.

                   A  nectar bird   my only word

                           I  cry   "neath  golden  wattle..                                                    tonys..     23. 2. 24

      @Appleblossom   @Oaktree  @StuF  @Jynx  @KirSa_EnigmA  @Emelia8 @TAB @SmilingGecko 

  @Historylover  @ENKELI  @Glisten  @Shaz51  and all those who did hard time on struggle street.

I saw somewhere that @supermodel  had  orientation at university yesterday.  Congratulations

and best wishes on your academic adventure. 

If  you tell me your the lecturer,   I'll die of embarrassment..                                                     tonys

[TAB]

..here's a pome (paul hogan pronunciation) by Chris Cornell

https://youtu.be/dbckIuT_YDc?si=mRWh6OCqzd5pnjHE

@tonys @supermodel @StuF @KirSa_EnigmA @StanD 

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @tonys I don't think the pain ever goes away. I feel what you went through as a kid. When parents do the wrong thing and don't protect us its very overwhelming and confusing for a child. I am sorry that happened to you.

I had a difficult childhood. It was emotional abuse mostly every day. I don't remember many days without feeling angst and desperation and shedding tears. I believe it set the preconditions for my mental illness.

That is one of the things that causes it among other factors according to Anthony William who wrote a book called Brain Saver which is in the same series as the Celery Juice book I suggested to you.

I hope you are doing ok. Getting it out on paper is very therapeutic and enables us to bear witness to what has come to pass. To see it there as some kind of testament to our pain enables us to have some measure of legitimacy over what went on.

I don't know what state of mind you are in but hope you are not overly triggered this evening. Its good to get it out of your system. You wrote a beautiful poem of both sadness, parental neglect and betrayal.

Your writing skill is something you should feel proud of.  Plus you turned out to be a better person than your mum and dad. You have brought your family redemption through the high standards you hold yourself to.  I also know you have forgiven both your parents even though they inflicted so much harm.  

I don't know what the lesson is in all of this but your sensitivity and kindness is still intact and its like a healing balm to everyone here who are fortunate enough to read your beautiful feeling nature through prose and heartfelt messages

[Glisten]

@tonys you are worth your weight in gold. Big HUGS

G

[tonys]

That's very thoughtful of you @SmilingGecko .   Probly should add,  I have always been a glass half full

guy,  so no need to worry.  Yes the ghosts still come in the night, . . . but  I  need them.  

When they recede with the tide of the  night,  I  fossick the twilight beach for the shells they leave behind.

They are the tools of our trade  SG.  They make you resilient and resourceful.   I kept them in my pocket all the years busked.  Everyone has a beachhead to take in their mind.  Tougher the battle,  the sweeter

the victory.           I hope you are well my friend. 

 I think the worst abuse is that which   leaves no bruises or scars.  No physical proof.  You wear it,    and they get away with it.    I think you may have had it harder than me in that respect.   My many enemies  just 

died  the death of those that won't be missed. . .  slowly .

Thanks again for your kind words  and I'm very lucky to know you Smiling Gecko..                                                                                                                                                                           tonys..

[Emelia8]

Awww @tonys that poem is so sad 😔.  Poignant and beautifully written, just as I have come to expect from you. But it made me cry,  and my little @Hannah 🐶 came up to me all concerned and licked away my tears 😢