28-05-2019 12:56 PM - edited 28-05-2019 02:31 PM
Today is one of those perfect autumn days. Clear skies, light breeze, not too cold and not too hot. The sort of days that many say that you feel good to be alive.
I am away from home in a room with a view. The beach is close.
So why is it all I think about is how WONDERFUL LIFE IS?
There is a balcony next to me. I am Eight floors up. There is a LOVELY GARDEN BELOW. THE RAIL WILL KEEP ME SAFE. I MUST HAVE A CLOSER LOOK AT THAT GARDEN IT IS SO NICE AND WILL BRING JOY TO ME.
If days like this do not provide cheer where is the hope?
28-05-2019 03:23 PM
I am pleased for you. Unfortunately we do not share that experience.
The constrains of the Mental Health process, especially here, means that I cannot express my feelings. I have to edit them and add a liberal dose of saccarin to make them palatable. We spend loads of tax dollars on mental health and things keep getting worse. I wonder why that is? I dare not venture to express my hypothesis as it may offend.
It seems the irony has been lost.
29-05-2019 05:11 PM
29-05-2019 12:49 PM
I thought you were being ironic.
It can get confusing when posts include lots of mixed feelings. Parts can be taken up by others and taken the wrong way. Copy cat issues are very real and I guess the mods have a duty of care. When my brother came back from the psych ward he knew more ways to hurt himself. I lived through 2 years when 7 people I knew took their lives. I have never recovered. I am here for the duration of mine. I get your frustration with the rose coloured glasses approach. The trick seems to be finding a way between the truths of our negatives and postiives. Finding a way to accept the bittersweet.
I hope you are safe.
30-05-2019 04:19 PM
I think I missed some of the underlying things from this thread but it has made me think about the context of 'it’s a glorious, I should be able to enjoy it'. There are days when million dollar views won’t help. There are dreary days when I get caught up in a moment in nature unintentionally. Those are the moments of internal peace and that is a good place for me. I’ve actually thought about this a bit since it was posted. I don’t think we can plan joy. I think it happens in the enexpected and unplanned moments. I think sometimes the joy is not in the moment itself but upon reflecting on a moment.
Sometimes joy comes from a forum friend calling coooee across the forum @Appleblossom 😘
01-06-2019 10:21 AM
@Orwellian I have been thinking about this thread a lot lately. I did see your original comment, I was actually mid reply when your post vanished.
I was pretty much in your exact frame of mind. I was sitting beside a river - water always has a calming affect on me, and it was a glorious day. I was cursing myself out at the time that I was such a strong swimmer. I too was
wondering wether “checking out the garden”, so to speak, would bring me some kind of joy.
My reply to you before your post vanished was that I agreed it was a glorious day that offered no joy, but the day before the weather was cr@p and I had no desire “to check out the garden”.
Like @Teej says, sometimes joy comes in the moment, and I have to keep reminding myself of the
moments of joy that I may miss if I “check out the garden” prematurely.
I hope you have been feeling better these last few days. ❤️❤️
01-06-2019 04:33 PM
There are a few days when I do not think about the garden. Other days all I can think about is checking it out.
The problem is that lately there are fewer days where the garden is not in my thoughts.
02-06-2019 10:53 PM
I’m hearing you @Orwellian , and it does feel like that for me lately too. I think if it wasn’t for a select few people
in my life I would let those “glorious days” consume me, it can get so overwhelming at times.
My daughter is about to head off on an overseas adventure for a couple of years, and I don’t want to ruin it for her.
My son and his partner have just had a baby, although his partner has been making it near impossible for us to have any contact - she has been utterly cruel and it has been devistating. They are both very young and they are living with his partners parents, and her mother is very toxic and it has affected my sons metal health. I need to be around to help him, I know deep down his relationship with his partner won’t
last and it will become a battle for him to see his child, and he is going to need my support when that happens.
I am my mothers carer, she has dementia and a host of other health problems - I feel like I am being slammed from all sides and I feel like I am starting to be spread very thin.
On top of all this I feel like my marriage is dead and I’m getting councelling for CSA that I kept secret for 40years and I’m not dealing with that at all.
Finding the joy in life is getting harder and harder, but the garden doesn’t end the problems, it just hands those problems to someone else.
If you can’t find the joy, can you create it? What are your interests or hobbies? I think it unrealistic to be joyful 24x7 but is there something you can do for short bursts?
You have been in my thoughts a lot lately, I hate how I have been feeling and I hate to think anyone else feels the same way. Please keep reaching out, I’ll keep an eye out for your posts. ❤️❤️
14-06-2019 02:36 PM
Checking out the Garden has been on my mind a LOT lately. It seems to be a place where there is peace. The problem is that once in the Garden you cannot leave. I know we all eventually go there, so what is the issue with going there early?
Gardening is not a subject which many will discuss in an objective manner. I did contact an online Horticultural Advisor who brought up the subject of checking it out. Due to the nature of the talk she could not be direct but I could tell she thought that in my case the visit may be the best option.
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